


The long journey of Drarry - From enemies to fuckbuddies to strangers to friends to husbands

by Mimbulus_mimbletonia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Harry Potter, Canon Compliant, Detention, Drarry, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hate Sex, Hogwarts, Homosexual Draco Malfoy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Potions, at some point, kind of, some angst too probably, tiny bit of smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-03 13:17:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13342038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimbulus_mimbletonia/pseuds/Mimbulus_mimbletonia
Summary: Harry has always felt drawn to Draco Malfoy, in a way he can't quite explain...Being "The Boy Who Lived" or "The Chosen One", whichever title people prefer these days, Harry is busy battling Voldemort and his Death Eaters, busy with homework and annoying teachers at Hogwarts, busy dealing with a ton of things no one should have to deal with... He hardly has the time to think about girls or boys or kissing, but yet the attraction is there; always present when he is in the perimeter of his worst enemy at Hogwarts: Draco Malfoy.How does Harry decide to deal with it? And what does it lead to?





	1. Harry wants to fuck Draco and can't brew potions

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys I'm back with a new fic!!  
> Same as with my wolfstar fic, this one I also originally only wrote just for myself but since the other one got such positive feedback i might as well publish this one here as well. i'm not too great with writing summaries though as you might've noticed...just give it a chance pls  
> It's not finished, but I don't have too much left to write so it shouldn't take too long until it's all done.
> 
> This, just like my wolfstar fic, is my take on drarry and how it would fit in with canon. And don't worry, I love Ginny and won't just act like she doesn't exist. 
> 
> oh one final thing, since i originally didn't plan for this to be published I didn't really write it in chapters but rather just like random paragraphs but i will do my best to divide it into chapters so it's easier to read.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, and please be kind and leave some feedback :) I'm a little unsure if I've gotten the characterisation right etc, but I'm kind of happy with it overall.

Harry has always felt drawn to Draco Malfoy, in a way he can't quite explain. He always seems to find an excuse to talk to him, or rather, yell at him. That's what they do - they fight, they scream, they insult, threaten and hex each other. But if Harry's being honest with himself, he wouldn't know what to do without Malfoy. He hates the bloke, sure, and he would like nothing more than to punch him right in his stupid face when he starts attacking Ron and Hermione, but he provides entertainment. Harry can always count on Malfoy to keep him busy when he's bored.

It's at the beginning of Harry's fifth year that he understands the reason behind his odd attachment. Attraction. Not _feelings,_ for Godric's sake; just simple, physical attraction. And who can blame him - the git's handsome. It's really all Malfoy's own fault, strutting around like he does with those stupidly fitted robes showing off his perfect arse, and always wearing that ridiculous smirk on his face - what does he expect? After all, Harry has  _eyes._

Now, this makes things a tad bit complicated. In fact, it's a bloody mess. Whenever he's around Malfoy, Harry doesn't quite know what to do with himself. Naturally, he keeps up appearances for he isn't one to become flustered in the face of his enemies, but internally he is constantly screaming when Malfoy is around. It happens that the two get so caught up in their constant bickering during class, it is more often than not the very main reason for Harry's continuously failed potions. Of course he's going to ruin Harry's grades as well. Git. Even worse is when Malfoy decides to get up all close and personal, trying to act cool by shouting his insults mere inches from Harry's face. The (questionably imaginary) sexual tension drives Harry _crazy_.

Harry knows he needs to get his shit together, this obviously can't continue. Malfoy might be hot, but nothing could ever happen between them due to him also being, well, a bully. A not-very-good person. Yeah, Harry has to get over his stupid crush immediately. The only question is, how?

*

"Hermione?"

"What's up, Harry?" Hermione is sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor common room reading a book, and only glances up at Harry once before continuing to read.  
Harry sits down next to her. "Er- can I ask you something?"

Hermione closes her book after finishing the page she was reading and looks up at him. "Don't tell me you need help with your Potions essay?" She sighs. "I thought you and Ron finished it hours ago, you-"

"It's not that," Harry interrupts.

"Oh," Hermione frowns. "Then, what?"

Harry feels awkward. "Well, uh, I was just wondering... you're usually good with, like, feelings and stuff, yeah?"

Hermione looks amused. "I guess so," she says. "Go on."

"I just - how do you - er..." Harry tries to find the right words. "Is there an easy way to, well eh, get over someone?"

"Oh," a look of understanding shows on Hermione's face. "it's about you fancying Cho?"

"What?" Harry is confused for a moment. Is she talking about Cho Chang? Sure, she's pretty and sure Harry's noticed her, but -  _what?_ He'd only asked her to the Yule Ball last year because he didn't really have anyone else to ask. He realises that it's a perfect cover-up, though, since Hermione guessed it herself it won't be too forced. "Oh, yeah... Yeah, I suppose," he adds quickly, to cover up his previous question. Hermione's extremely good at reading people, but Harry hopes she'll only take his slight confusion for awkward nervousness.

"I don't know, Harry," she says with a small smile. "Sometimes you just have to wait it out, I'm afraid." The flicker of hope Harry had had that his crush would be over soon goes out at her words. "Although," she continues, "you could try confronting her, I suppose. I know she was with Cedric, but I've seen her look at you when you're not noticing. You never know - she could feel the same way."

Harry flinches a bit at the mention of Cedric, but considers Hermione's words. _Tell_ Malfoy about his feelings? Ha, fat chance. And like he'd ever return Harry's desires.

He scowls at the mental image of that. What would he do exactly? Run up to Malfoy after potions and shout loud enough for everyone to hear _'hey Malfoy, I just want you to know that I think you're sexy as hell and if you weren't such a rotten person I would've been shagging you for weeks by now!'_  and hope that would do it _?_ As if he's not catching enough looks already.

"I- I can't do that, Hermione. I'm talking about getting _over_ a crush."

"Well, I don't see the point in that." Hermione only shrugs and opens up her book again.

Thanks, Hermione. That wasn't such a big help.

*

Harry has to endure months of Hermione's encouragements regarding Cho, at the same time as he's trying to deal with Malfoy, Umbridge's detentions, the students' gossiping about him, his nightmares, not being able to talk to Sirius, the ever-growing mountains of homework, plus the regular DA meetings. He's almost thankful he doesn't have Quidditch to worry about on top of all that anymore, but at the same time he would do anything to be up on his broom again. Flying has proved a great stress reliever.  
Malfoy and his friends have joined Umbridge's new _Inquisitorial squad_ and he is being an even worse pain the arse than normal. Unfortunately, he still looks great and Harry often finds himself staring at him in Potions and Care of Magical Creatures (although he does his best to make sure it just looks like evil glares).

He decides to give it a shot with Cho, maybe it'll help him get over Malfoy. At their last DA meeting before Christmas, she actually kisses him and although it mostly feels wrong, he kisses her back.

After Christmas break Harry is forced to start taking Occlumency lessons from _Snape,_ and having Malfoy thinking he's taking extra Potions lessons makes him feel even worse.

*

It's Snape, of course, that gives Harry detention for what feels like the hundredth time. Only, this time, it will be even worse because _Malfoy_ will be with him. The two of them were getting into a quarrel outside of the Great Hall after Harry heard Malfoy loudly singing _Weasley is our King._ They're just about to get physical, which sadly doesn't go unnoticed by Snape. He's just taken points from Gryffindor, _and_ given Harry detention when McGonagall shows up. She's also seen what happened, and demands that Snape gives Malfoy the same punishment for something they were both involved in. Snape can't go directly against another teacher, so he's forced to do what McGonagall says. Harry's very amused at first - for once Malfoy won't get away with his shit like he always does - but then Snape says they'll be in detention _together,_ brewing a Sleeping Draught because he's running low on it. No doubt Snape only does this to further torture Harry.

"Normally I wouldn't dare leave you with such a task," he says to Harry, "but I'm sure Draco will make sure it's brewed properly." Harry is furious, but not wanting to lose any more points, he bites his anger back. Then Snape turns to Malfoy.

"Of course," he says, "you're not to do all the work. Just stop him from making a mess out of it." Malfoy laughs, and Harry walks away, fuming.

*

"Fuck," Harry swears as the potion once again turns a colour that it shouldn't.

Malfoy rolls his eyes at him. "Come on, how hard can it be?" he says with a condescending voice as he works with the potion to fix Harry's mistake."It's only a Sleeping Draught, Potter."

"Shut up, Malfoy."

"Oh that's right, I forgot, you're taking _remedial potions._ " Malfoy sniggers. "But really, this is _first year_ stuff, it's _easy._ "

"Easy for you to say!" Harry exclaims before he can stop himself.

"What's that supposed to mean, Potter?"

"Just, I always thought Snape only favoured you because you're a Slytherin, but you're actually really good at this and it pisses me off," Harry glances up at Malfoy, who's frowning. "Never mind," he adds with a sigh.

"I'm well aware of my extraordinary talents in potions, there's no need to point it out for me," Malfoy snaps.

"Wow," Harry rolls his eyes. "I only said you were good, not _extraordinary,_ don't be so full of yourself."

Malfoy opens his mouth to answer, but at the same time he happens to glance down at Harry's hands and rushes forward to stop him from making another mistake. "No, no, _no,_ Potter, you absolute worthless potion brewer! You're supposed to stir and heat it _before_ adding the Sopophorous bean, damn it!" He's managed to push Harry's hands away from the cauldron, but in doing so the chopped up Sopophorous bean has fallen from Harry's hands and onto the floor. Malfoy sighs.

"Sorry," Harry mutters and takes out his wand to gather the scattered bean pieces back in his hands.

"I swear, I knew how to brew this potion at six years old just from watching my dad!" Malfoy claims with an exasperated tone in his voice."Were you raised in a fucking barn, Potter?"

Harry feels his anger rising. "No, I was raised in a cupboard if you must know," he bites back and starts vigorously stirring the potion, this time according to the instructions in the book.

"You- what?" Malfoy looks taken aback at Harry's statement about the cupboard. "You're not serious?"

Harry looks up, confused. The usual venom is gone from Malfoy's words, and his expression lacks the sneer that so far has seemed to be glued permanently to his face.  
"Well- er, yeah," Harry says, for he doesn't know what else to do.

Malfoy seems to come back to himself, and the sneer reappears as he speaks. "Ha, no wonder. Not even the _Muggles_ wanted you."

Harry's too caught up in the previous change in Malfoy's behaviour to feel angry or upset at his words. There had been something in his eyes - pity? Understanding? Is it possible that there is another person underneath all of Malfoy's nasty exterior? Harry shakes his head and silently puts his focus back on the potion in front of him again. He's probably just imagining things.

 

*


	2. Harry is a shitty boyfriend and still pining after Draco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a short one

Harry's first date with Cho ends in a disaster, and he can't help but think it never would've been so complicated with a bloke.

The one good thing that comes out of it, though, is since Harry did the interview for _The Quibbler_ he's gained a lot more supporters, _and_ he's caught Malfoy's attention. Although it's not exactly positive attention, it's attention nonetheless. Damn, Harry is starting to get a little too obsessed.

Meanwhile, Cho doesn't seem to think that their horrible date is a reason to break up, after seeing Harry open up about Cedric in the interview she's all over him again. He sighs. Not wanting to hurt her feelings, he doesn't say anything either.

Malfoy's been teasing him about their relationship, and honestly that's probably another reason for Harry to keep dating her. He can pretend Malfoy's jealous, and at the very least it gives Malfoy another reason to talk to him.

*

The next time they're alone isn't until after one of the DA meetings. Dobby came to warn them about Umbridge, and now Harry's running as fast as he can to get away from her and the Inquisitorial squad. When Malfoy catches him with a Trip Jinx, he's angry and frustrated. The DA meetings were the one thing left at Hogwarts he was actually enjoying, and now Umbridge has taken that away, too. Malfoy hoists Harry up by the back of his robes and whispers in his ear: "Got you, Potter." Harry tries to ignore the way his voice sends chills down his spine.

Finding out it was Marietta Edgecombe who'd told Umbridge about the DA provided Harry with an excellent reason to finally put an end to his and Cho's bizarre relationship. Surely, they never would've lasted anyway; Harry knows he's just been acting as Cedric's replacement.  
Hermione's pity is unbearable, but after he firmly tells her he doesn't want to talk about it, she stops.


	3. Draco is a cunt, but a sexy cunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> adult activities happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY PLS
> 
> I have literally never written smut before, but i got to the point in this story where i couldn't figure out a way to go forward without it. so be gentle with me. i did keep it as short and vague as possible and i was cringing during the entire time i wrote it and i had to take breaks.  
> ya i'm pretty pathetic but enough about that, hope u like this chapter :))

 

When Harry's on his way back to the Gryffindor common room one night, after Umbridge's interrogation about Sirius and Dumbledore's locations, he runs into Malfoy. He doesn't want to deal with him right now, but there's only a straight corridor ahead and no way to avoid the Slytherin coming his way.

"Oi, Scarface!" Malfoy calls. Harry ignores him, but can't help but to slow down his walk. "Where are your friends, huh?" Malfoy turns around to follow Harry. "Finally realised you're a useless prat, did they?" Harry still doesn't answer, but he's standing still now.

"Not that they're much better themselves," Malfoy continues, probably just trying to stir up Harry's temper. "Mudbloods and blood traitors - I'll never understand why you keep such lousy company."

Harry turns to face Malfoy. "What do you want? You can't take any points from me as I'm not doing anything wrong, and if you think you can try to get a reaction from me - you're mistaken."

Malfoy bites his lip as if he's concentrating on something, and it really just makes Harry want to kiss him. "Maybe I'm just bored," Malfoy finally says.

"Yeah, well, where are _your_ friends then?" Harry replies, and he's surprised by how normal their conversation is compared to their usual bickering. "Or your girlfriend who's always trailing after you like a lost puppy?"

Malfoy frowns. "Girlfriend? Potter, have you been imagining things?"

"I'm talking about Parkinson, you prat."

"Pansy?" Malfoy laughs at Harry like he's an idiot. "Pansy's not my _girlfriend_ you brainless loser, she's just a friend."

Harry rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

"Well," Malfoy says after a moment of awkward silence. "I think I have to take 5 points from Gryffindor just for wasting my time." He smirks.

"Screw you, ferret." Harry says before turning his back on Malfoy and walking away.

"5 more points for being an asshole!" Malfoy calls behind him.

Harry can't help but smile. _What's wrong with him?_

*

Harry's in his sixth year now, and has spent the entire time back at Hogwarts obsessing over Malfoy. He is  _so sure_ that he's up to something, and that this something is serious. Maybe he was exaggerating a bit when he told Ron and Hermione he thinks Malfoy is a Death Eater - but there's definitely something suspicious going on. When he runs into Malfoy one night after one of Harry's meetings with Dumbledore, he decides to confront him. It's just the two of them in a deserted corridor so there is no one to overhear them. Perfect.

He doesn't understand how it happens. Everything is going so fast - one minute Harry is demanding to know what Malfoy is up to, where he sneaks off to and what he's planning, with Malfoy refusing to answer and raining down insults at Harry, and the next moment they're kissing. They're _kissing,_ and Malfoy's lips are exactly as soft as Harry thought they'd be. Harry is pretty sure he's the one who initiated the kiss - something like he grabbed Malfoy by his robes and slammed their lips together. It's heated and forceful, but it isn't one-sided - Malfoy is definitely kissing Harry back. When they pull apart, gasping for breaths, Malfoy smirks at Harry.

"What the hell was that, Potter?"

"Oh, fuck off," Harry says. "Don't act like you didn't enjoy it."

"Point made," Malfoy shrugs and grabs Harry's arm, shoving him into some kind of storage room filled with old brooms and dusty cauldrons. He enters after Harry and closes the door behind them, Charming it locked. Harry panics a little, _what is happening now?_ It's pitch black with the door closed and he can barely make out Malfoy's face. Malfoy lights his wand and puts it on an empty shelf before he turns to face Harry.

"Just to be clear, Potter," he says. "This doesn't _mean_ anything." Harry snorts. As if it did for him. "But I haven't gotten laid in a while," Malfoy continues, "and you seem willing enough." He smirks at him again.

"Don't think it means anything to me either, git." He shoves Malfoy's shoulder a little, suddenly nervous. "I can't help it you're hot."

Malfoy walks closer. "Wow," he says in a low voice. "What would the world say if they knew that _The Boy Who Lived_ just called a Malfoy hot?"

"Shut up, ferret," Harry snaps and they're standing really close now.

"Make me," Malfoy challenges. Harry's first thought is to take out his wand and cast a Silencing Charm on him, but he quickly realises that probably isn't what Malfoy intended. Instead he walks closer to the Slytherin and pushes him back against the wall while starting to kiss him again. Harry is surprised to hear Malfoy moan under his lips, and decides he's being too gentle. He presses Malfoy harder against the wall, grabbing his waist. Malfoy puts his hands on Harry's chest and shoves him, just hard enough for their lips to be forced apart.

"Get your bloody glasses out of the way, Potter," he says breathlessly and Harry takes them off immediately. Then he tears Malfoy's robes open and attacks his neck; kissing, sucking marks into the pale, sensitive skin and occasionally biting down hard causing Malfoy to shudder. Harry very much enjoys the way he can make his _nemesis_ groan in pleasure and smirks into Malfoy's neck.

"The hell's so funny, Potter?" Malfoy questions immediately. "Just hurry the fuck up, don't wanna stay in here forever."

Harry can feel that Malfoy is hard against him. "Eager, are you?" he murmurs.

"Fuck off," Malfoy snaps at him, but Harry doesn't mind; he's eager, too. In a moment their robes are on the floor, and their trousers around their ankles, as Harry fucks Malfoy against the wall.

"Is this the best you can do, Scarhead?" Malfoy tries to keep up the taunting voice he always uses around Harry, but he's panting and has to bite down hard on his lip just to keep himself from moaning out loud, so Harry hardly takes his words seriously.

"What's the matter, Malfoy?" Harry says, quite out of breath himself. "Don't like the fact that _The Boy Who Lived_ is making you cum?"

"Fuck," Malfoy breathes. They're both close, so close, and then - way too soon in Harry's opinion - it's over. They stand still for a second, catching their breaths before Harry steps away and Malfoy takes out his wand to clean up. They put their clothes back on in an awkward silence. Harry doesn't know what to say, or if he even should say anything.

Then Malfoy clears his throat and unlocks the door with his wand. "See you around, Potter." He closes the door behind him, leaving Harry in the dark.

*

The next day, Harry is frustrated to realise that shagging Malfoy wasn't enough to satisfy him and take the stupid attraction away, it rather seems to be the opposite - now he wants more. Luckily enough for him, Malfoy seems to be thinking the same thing. They keep up this bizarre hate-fucking relationship for weeks. It isn't really that hard, they keep up the fighting and the hating each other, especially when they're around other people, and only if they find themselves alone they'll take advantage of the situation. Works for Harry.


	4. Harry might like Draco a tiny bit more than just for fucking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where sectumsempra never happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so harry's description of draco in this chapter is basically word for word stolen from the book, which first of all credit to j.k. and second of all it kind of proves how canon this shit really is when i'm able to use unedited content for a fanfic about their love. js. i mean. not that the description is erotic or anything but just the fact that he noticed. and tbh the words are so fucking sad they can't have been thought by harry in like a matter-of-factly way
> 
> oh also an important thing!! I know this is supposed to be canon compliant but i just couldn't bring myself to let the sectumsempra thing happen... i know it fucks with the whole hbp plot but... ignore that. this is what i wished could've happened instead, i guess.

One day in Potions class, Harry notices something. Almost everyone is off taking their Apparition test, so it's just Harry, Malfoy and Ernie Macmillan in class. This gives Harry a better opportunity to stare at Malfoy without having to worry about anyone noticing, and what Harry realises worries him. Malfoy looks paler; his skin still has that greyish tinge, probably because he so rarely sees daylight these days. But there is no air of smugness, or excitement, or superiority; none of the swagger that he had had on the Hogwarts Express, when he had boasted openly of the mission he had been given by Voldemort... Harry doesn't know why this bothers him so much. Surely it's a good thing, given that it probably means Malfoy still isn't succeeding with his mission. Harry's been trying to get Malfoy to tell him what it is whenever the two are alone, but so far he's had no luck. There is just something about seeing Malfoy being so... _un-Malfoy_ that makes him feel uneasy. It's not like Harry actually _cares._ He tries to ignore this for now, and to instead focus on the Potion in front of him and getting Professor Slughorn in a good mood.

*

When Harry checks the Marauder's map one day on his way to dinner, he's surprised to see Malfoy alone in the bathroom. As neither Hermione or Ron seem to be getting to dinner on time, Harry figures it might be worth the detour. Either he'll be able to find out something useful about Malfoy's supposed mission, or he might - if he's lucky - at least get a blowjob.

Once he's outside the bathroom he presses his ear against the door. He can't hear anything. Very quietly he pushes the door open to reveal Malfoy's back across the bathroom. His hands are clutching either side of the sink, his white-blond head bowed and his whole body shaking.

"I can't do it... " Harry can hear him quietly whispering to himself in a shaky voice. "I can't. It wont work and unless I do it soon...he says he'll kill me..." As Malfoy's voice breaks, Harry realises with a shock so huge it seems to root him to the spot, that Malfoy is crying - actually crying - tears streaming down his pale face into the grimy basin. He gasps and gulps and then, with a great shudder, he looks up into the cracked mirror and sees Harry staring at him over his shoulder. Malfoy wheels around, drawing his wand. Instinctively, Harry pulls out his own. But his intentions aren't to curse Malfoy, seeing him cry makes Harry feel sad himself. Somehow, it makes him want to comfort Malfoy until he's smiling again. Harry frowns at these thoughts, they don't make any sense. Before he has time to say or do anything, though, Malfoy has sent a curse his way. Harry manages to avoid it just in time, but Malfoy sends another. Harry blocks them all, not wanting to hex Malfoy back. He decides to try talking him out of it instead.

"Hey, Malfoy, stop it," he says, as he ducks away from another jinx flying his way. "Please, I'm not here to fight, I don't want to hurt you. _Protego!_ _"_

Malfoy doesn't stop, but Harry can see his hand is shaking. He quickly points his wand at Malfoy, and cries: " _Expelliarmus!"_ before Malfoy can do anything to defend himself. Malfoy's wand slips out of his hand and right into Harry's.

"There," Harry starts, but he doesn't get to continue as Malfoy has tackled him on to the floor, attempting to get his wand back. "Hey, what the hell!" Harry exclaims in surprise, and keeps a tight grip on both of their wands. Malfoy lifts his hand in a fist, and Harry can tell he's about to punch him in the face. In a last, desperate attempt to stop him, Harry speaks again.

"Draco, please."

It's like Harry had flipped a switch. Malfoy stops. The anger disappears from his face, replaced by something Harry can't identify. He lowers his arm and gets off Harry, his wand forgotten in Harry's hand. Malfoy sits on the floor next to Harry as Harry pushes himself up into a sitting position. Neither of them say anything. Harry notices that Malfoy is still shaking, his eyes fixed on the bathroom floor, arms hugging his knees to his chest.

"I'm sorry," Harry says in a low voice. He isn't sure what he's apologising for exactly, but he hates everything that just happened. For some reason his heart breaks seeing Malfoy so upset. _He says he'll kill me._ That's what he'd said. Whatever it is Malfoy is up to, it doesn't seem like he wants to do it. He still isn't saying anything, so Harry decides to take a risk. He moves closer to Malfoy and puts an arm around him.

"It's okay, Draco," he whispers. Using Malfoy's first name feels _right_ somehow, it suits him so much better. Instead of pushing him away, like Harry had expected, Draco puts his arms around Harry and hides his face in Harry's neck. Harry can feel Draco's tears running down his own skin, but he really couldn't care less. He just holds the broken boy in his arms tighter and strokes his hair.

After a few minutes of sobbing, Draco calms down a little and sits up straighter.

"You're wrong," he says quietly as he wipes his face dry with the sleeve of his robes. "It's not okay."

"What is it you have to do?" Harry asks, for what feels like the millionth time, thinking that he's finally going to get an answer.

But Draco shakes his head. "I can't tell you," he says. "You're going to hate me."

"I could never hate you," Harry says, and realises the moment he speaks how ridiculous that sounds. Hasn't he already spent six years hating him? Malfoy seems to agree about Harry's statement being ridiculous.

He scoffs. "Are you messing with me, Potter? You've hated me since the day we met."

"That's not true." Harry frowns. "I didn't start hating you until you insulted Ron, the first kid I'd ever met who was nice to me."

"We have a lot in common, you know," Draco mumbles.

"Like what?" Harry asks, genuinely curious. There are no similarities between them that he can think of.

"Bet you think I had a great childhood." Draco says quietly.

Harry nods, feeling a bit ashamed for having assumed something like that.

Draco laughs a little. "Yeah," he says. "Everyone always does. Living in a big house, with a well-connected father and lots of money - how could I not be happy?"

Harry knows being rich doesn't equal happiness, he would rather give up all the money his parents had left him than give up his friendship with Ron and Hermione.

"Why weren't you?" he asks cautiously. Harry's curious about Draco's background, and he's never really seen this side of him before, but he's worried Draco's going to get angry again.

Draco shrugs. "Lots of things. My father, for one. I have always looked up to him, always wanted to make him proud, but he's never been particularly nice to me. It was lonely, growing up, I don't have any siblings, nor did I have any friends as there weren't many kids around. Dad always worked a lot, and Mum too. Mostly the only company I had were the house elves, and they were scared of me." Harry is starting to realise what Draco had meant by them being similar. No friends, no company or kindness during the earlier years of their lives.

"I'm sorry." Harry's voice is barely a whisper.

"I always thought," Draco continues, "that what my father taught me was right. I literally didn't know anything else. That's why I've been such a prick. He taught me that purebloods like ourselves are superior, and I believed it. I was just a kid, you know. And I know that doesn't excuse my behaviour, especially as I got older, but it hasn't exactly been easy. All I ever wanted to do as a kid was make my father proud. I thought, maybe if I was a good enough son he'd be less distant, maybe he'd hug me... I don't know." He pauses. Harry feels awful - all this time, he'd thought Draco bullied people because he enjoyed it. When really, much like Harry himself, he'd been lonely and insecure, just acting like he thought he was supposed to.

"I don't even know why I'm telling you this," Draco says with a sigh.

"It's okay," Harry replies quickly, not wanting him to stop talking. "I'm not going to tell anyone if you don't want me to. I'll just listen."

Draco glances up a Harry, and then he continues. "At first I didn't understand why you didn't like me. I just wanted to be friends, and you rejected me. But as I've watched you over the years, I get it. I realised not everyone thinks the way my father does. But it wasn't as if I could just change. I'm a coward, I couldn't stand up to my dad, or anyone. So I kept it up. And I'm sorry." Harry realises his eyes are watery after listening to Draco talking.

"I'm the one who's sorry," he says. "I never even stopped to think about why you behave the way you do. When I first came to Hogwarts, I'd been bullied my whole life, and you reminded me of that a bit. I guess I never really gave you a chance to begin with."

"I don't blame you," Draco says with an empty laugh. "I was a real jerk to you, from the start." Harry stays silent. Of course, what Draco is saying is absolutely true, but Harry understands him on a whole new level now, and he doesn't want to make him feel any worse.

"So," Harry starts after a while, and clears his throat awkwardly. "Is it okay that I call you Draco, now?"

Draco shrugs. "Sure," he says in an indifferent voice; but looking into his eyes, Harry can tell that he's not entirely unaffected by this. Somehow, it makes Harry smile.

"Only in private, I assume?" he says in a lighter tone.

"That's probably for the best," Draco gives Harry a small smile back. Seeing Draco's smile, and knowing that he was the cause of it, makes Harry feel inexplicably happy.

*

In the days that follow Harry catches himself smiling at Draco whenever no one is looking. He never gets a smile in return, but Draco will keep eye contact for a few seconds, letting Harry know it's okay. This slight change in behaviour between the two leaves Harry feeling a bit awkward, not to mention confused. Is he actually starting to like Draco Malfoy - as something more than just a good shag? As something like a... friend? The thought seems ridiculous to Harry and yet the feelings are there. Though they're still insulting each other at any given time, he doesn't feel the same passion as before. There is no weight behind the ugly words. In fact, more and more frequently the nasty fights between them are being replaced with friendly banter. Maybe people around them are noticing, or maybe not. Either way, no one is mentioning it. Maybe they are simply too busy with their own lives to acknowledge a difference in the stupid interactions between Draco and himself. Harry sighs. Maybe there is no reason in dwelling on it.


	5. Harry likes Ginny now, but worries about Draco still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another short one

It's just a few days later that Ginny kisses Harry after a Quidditch victory. It surprises him, but what surprises him the most is how much he actually enjoys it. And maybe it's for the best anyway. Ginny is soft and beautiful, they're already good friends, Ron's okay with it and Ginny is the one person who can actually understand what it's like to have Voldemort inside of your head. Plus, she's not related to any Death Eaters. Things with Malfoy were bound to end badly one way or another anyway.

The word about Ginny and Harry is spreading fast through the castle, and he can't help but notice a distance growing between himself and Draco Malfoy. It pains him. He really likes Ginny, and he doesn't want to feel guilty because of it. Ginny is fun. Her smile is bright, her energy matches his own, and she makes him smile. And there is no sneaking around necessary.

What makes it hard for Harry to let go of the guilt gnawing at his insides is the sight of Draco ( _do I still get to call him Draco?)_  in any classes he shares with Slytherin. Perhaps it had only been Harry's imagination, but he could've sworn that over the past few weeks of them being "friends" - or at the very least _friendly_ \- that the other boy had started to look just a tiny bit better. A little more light in his eyes, some colour to his cheeks. Now he looks almost worse than before.

 _He says he'll kill me._ Had he been talking about Voldemort? What if Draco did die and it was Harry's fault? His fault for not stopping Draco in time, for not figuring out this secret mission Draco seems to be on, his fault... Draco had been forced into this, after all. With his father being a Death Eater, the whole family of Malfoy a group of pureblood Slytherin maniacs, with no one to guide him out; steer him right. Voldemort is _Harry's_ responsibility. It's Harry's job to kill him. If he doesn't, and Voldemort ends up killing Draco it would definitely be Harry's fault.

*  
When he weeks later finds Professor Trelawney claiming to have heard someone - a  _male_ someone - gleefully celebrating something in the Room of Requirement, Harry is sure this someone has to be Draco. And he doesn't know whether he should be happy for Draco's sake; clearly he has succeeded in whatever it was he's been trying to do, which hopefully means he will no longer be on Voldemort's hit list; or if he should be worried for his own sake. Worried, or even scared. If Draco's task had really been something that would help Voldemort, Harry could be in danger. Not  _just_ Harry, but his friends too. Ron, Hermione, Ginny... All of the DA members, Dumbledore himself, Hagrid, the teachers, _Hogwarts_. He has to convince Trelawney to tell Dumbledore about what just happened.


	6. Draco isn't a killer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry returns from his Horcrux hunting trip with Dumbledore, and finally learns about the task Draco was given by Voldemort.

Harry can't move; he's been immobilised. Dumbledore has just wasted his last chance of defending himself to immobilise Harry. Why? Harry struggles hopelessly against the spell, knowing there is no point but not finding it in him to just give up. At least Dumbledore has made sure Harry's protected under his Cloak, so he won't need to defend himself. 

 _But I could've helped defend_ him _!_ He thinks furiously, as he watches the scene in front of him.

Draco is standing in front of Dumbledore - some distance away, but with his wand raised and pointed straight at him. The conversation between the two is surprisingly light, Dumbledore calmly speaking to Draco about what he's done, praising him even. Draco has found a way to let Death Eaters into the castle... Had that been his task?  
Harry squints to get a better look at Draco. His body is betraying his emotions, stark against the threatening words; the outstretched arm is shaking, his voice is angry but sounds forced and mixed with fear, and his face is contorted in an attempt to keep himself from crying. He is clearly scared, and reluctant to finish the task he was given. The task, which finally has been revealed to Harry. Draco is supposed to murder Albus Dumbledore.

Harry can feel his own heart beating hard in his chest. Is Draco going to do it? Is Dumbledore going to die? The answer to that question is obvious, Harry tells himself: Of course not! Dumbledore is the greatest wizard in the world! He is talented, old, wise and brave. He has defeated both Grindelwald and Voldemort before, and several other dangerous wizards too, no doubt. He is going to survive this. Like he has survived everything before. Like Harry himself has survived.  
But the sight of Draco is worrying. Who knows what people will do when they're scared? Harry remembers with a rush of fear the way Draco had been crying that day in the girl's bathroom.  _He says he'll kill me._ Knowing Voldemort, he's probably going to do worse than that. Torture and play with him. Kill his parents in front of him. Perhaps even use the Imperius curse to make Draco kill them himself.

"I haven't got any options!" Draco exclaims, pulling Harry out of his thoughts. "I've got to do it! He'll kill me! He'll kill my whole family!"

Harry wants to puke. This isn't fair to Draco. He's only a child, just like Harry. And Harry knows what it's like to be pushed into situations where you have to act even though you might not want to. But for Harry it had still always been an easy choice. He had fought for the good. He had fought the very people who started the war, the people who killed his parents, and Sirius. He would always be known as a hero. But Draco? Neither choice is an easy one to make for him. One would mean he would be not only disowned by his parents, but hunted down by the currently most dangerous wizard in the world and most likely killed along with his family. The other would mean he's a killer. A cold-blooded killer who might spent the rest of his life in Azkaban, and hated by everyone. Remembered not as a hero, but as a villain. As the boy who murdered Dumbledore.

When Dumbledore offers Draco their help, Harry feels relief flooding through him. Draco could join their side, he would be okay, and Dumbledore would be alive. He wants to hug Dumbledore, to thank him for being ready to forgive Draco and help him move on... But these feelings are cut short only a moment later with Draco's reply.

"You can't help me," he says, voice almost a whisper. His arm is shaking even more at this point, and Harry thinks he can see it drop just a little. He's not going to do it after all.

Harry wants to reach out to Draco. He wants to reinforce Dumbledore's words, to reassure Draco that he can be okay. He wants to scream at him to accept the help he's being offered, he wants to take Draco's wand away from him, to hold him and wipe his tears and...

The door to where the three are standing on the Astronomy tower bursts open suddenly, and Draco's face changes at the sound; hardens. His wand is back up, pointed again at Dumbledore's face with a now somewhat steady hand. But as the other Death Eaters join him, Harry can still see terror in his eyes.   
Dumbledore greets the new addition of people, and meanwhile all Harry can think of is Draco. Draco had referred to himself as a coward. And if he truly believes that, he isn't going to be able to resist the pressure that is on him to finish what he's started. Especially now with more people on his side, egging him on, telling him to hurry, taunting him... 

Harry thinks it's over, Draco is going to do it. He wishes he could close his eyes...

And then there's a loud noise from behind the door, startling the group. Harry looks over and sees someone entering through the doorway - Snape.

*

He didn't do it. 

Draco didn't kill Dumbledore.

And yet, Dumbledore is still dead.

How?

Harry feels lost. Betrayed. Abandoned.

At least, Draco didn't have to become a killer.

The task is done, but without Draco having to live with the guilt of killing another person. Without that one act to taint his soul for the rest of his life.  
As for Snape, Harry doesn't care. Snape is essentially the reason Harry's parents are dead, and he doesn't mind having another reason to hate him.

Harry only catches one last glimpse of Draco's face - now showing a mix of fear, relief and sadness - before he disappears with the other Death Eaters. Harry feels the spell being lifted off his body, and he immediately sets off after them.

*


	7. Malfoy Manor and reminiscing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry comes face to face with Draco again, but can't even talk to him

 

Harry's staring up at familiar features through his swollen eyes. Draco is here. Right in front of him, being demanded by his father and Bellatrix to confirm Harry's identity. Harry knows just by looking into Draco's eyes that he immediately recognises Harry despite his deformed face. He tries to give Draco a pleading look, begging him not to give them away, but without making anyone else suspicious. He tries to deliver words with his look. Words aimed not at the person Draco thinks he has to be, but at the boy who had once cried in Harry's arms; the boy who had exposed something else hidden deep within him, a part of Draco that is nothing like his harsh exterior. That's who Harry is trying to reach, because he knows he's in there. 

 _Please, Draco... Help us. We need your help,_ I  _need your help..._

When Draco finally speaks his voice is weak. "I can't- I can't be sure," he says, avoiding eye contact with not only Harry but with everyone, his eyes glued to the floor.

 _He looks so small standing there,_ Harry thinks, _so different._

Next to the other students at Hogwarts he'd seemed so confident, so tall and loud and  _present;_ always demanding your attention. But now - next to his father, mother and the rest of the Death Eaters - he looks lost. He looks tiny, lost and frightened. Less like he wants to be the centre of attention, and more like he wants nothing but to fade into the background, to hide in the shadows, to disappear.

The others are urging Draco to have a closer look, to confirm that it really is Potter they've caught. Draco steps a little closer and looks at Harry's face. Harry can see a mix of reluctance and fear in Draco's eyes, but despite Bellatrix and the others egging him on, he doesn't give Harry away.

"I don't know," is his reply to the impatient people around them.

Harry is beyond grateful, he knows how much strength it must take for Draco to lie to his father like this. Draco's eyes linger on Harry's for just a second, and Harry can't help but remember all of their moments together. He faintly recalls the feeling of Draco's soft lips on his skin, his strong arms wrapped around Harry, the taste of him, the sounds he made... He represses a shudder at the thoughts.

Not all memories are good ones, and the most painful one of them all is the memory of Draco smiling. Glimpses of him laughing with his friends in the Great Hall; smiling to himself as he gets back his Potions grade; giggling with Pansy, drunk on firewhiskey and butterbeer.

There isn't even the smallest trace of happiness in Draco's face right now. His eyes look empty, hollow; and the bags under them deeper than ever. His skin is almost paler than usual and he's become thinner, causing his cheekbones to be even more prominent. It makes Harry want to take him into his arms and comfort him. Even though really, in the current situation, it is  _Harry_ that's in danger. Well, Harry, plus Hermione, Ron and pretty much the rest of the world if Harry isn't around to stop Voldemort.

But Harry's used to facing death. He's used to battle, used to pain, used to having to fight for his life... Draco isn't weak, but he deserves better than this. Better than to live in constant fear, to experience that inner battle between what's right and what his family wants him to do. With Voldemort using the Malfoy Manor as a base, Harry can only imagine how much time he's been spending there with them, and how utterly terrifying it must be to have someone like that as a constant presence in your own home. And Draco has been alone in all of this. 

But as Bellatrix refocuses her attention on Hermione, and once again asks _Draco_ to identify the "mudblood" as Harry's friend, Draco still tries not to give them up.

"I...maybe...yeah," he mumbles. Poor, sweet Draco. Harry can't help but feel overwhelmed with sympathy towards him. Draco is trying, he's trying _so hard_ , Harry can tell. Draco doesn't  _want_ to give them up, he doesn't  _want_ Voldemort to have them. And the best way he knows to help is to be vague, even though he clearly knows that the witch in front of him is in fact Hermione, after their six shared years at Hogwarts.

A smiliar reply comes when he's asked about Ron: "Yeah, it could be..."

Harry could cry. Why couldn't Draco have taken Dumbledore's offer and joined their side? He could've been somewhere else,  _safe,_ instead of being here, alone and in danger, living in a constant state of fear.

Perhaps he could even have joined Harry and the others on their mission to hunt Horcruxes. Of course that would have been dangerous as well, but Harry would have been able to be there for him, to protect him. To hold him, hug him, kiss him...

Maybe Harry's just feeling lonely. Having broken up with Ginny and then spent months with only Ron and Hermione for company has made him long for something, someone. Seeing Ron and Hermione together, sharing that connection, that closeness... Falling asleep holding hands, knowing that the one person they care so much about is right there with them... Harry wants that, too. 

But he knows he can't have that. Not until the war is over, anyway. However, that doesn't stop his heart from beating a little faster when his hands just moments later are touching Draco's as Harry's trying to take back the wands from Draco's grip. It's barely even a struggle, really, Draco is pretty much handing them to Harry. He lets his fingertips stay on Draco's skin for just the blink of an eye, trying to channel as much comfort as he can into that one, small touch.

And the next thing Harry knows, they're Disapparating. 


	8. Chaotic reunion in the Room of Requirement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry saves Draco's life without hesitating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm so sorry for the wait you guys!! I've recently started working full time and moved away from home, so I've been super busy. I can't promise anything for the future chapters, but I will try to finish them soon. Also this one is pretty short, but I wanted to update.
> 
> Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy this chapter!

"Hold it, Potter!"

Harry immediately turns around at the sound of Draco's familiar voice. He's glad to see Draco is still alive, but now isn't exactly the ideal time for a reunion. Especially considering both Crabbe and Goyle are here, too, pointing their wands at him along with Draco. Harry needs to find Ravenclaw's lost diadem and defeat Voldemort. And he doesn't have much time.

"That's my wand you're holding, Potter." Draco's voice is cold, empty of emotion, but Harry remembers the way he had willingly given up the wands for Harry last time they saw each other. What's he been going through while Harry's been gone?

"Not anymore," Harry replies, as he tries to think of ways to get out of the situation. "Winners, keepers, Malfoy. Who's lent you theirs?"

"My mother." Draco won't meet Harry's eyes.

"So how come you three aren't with Voldemort?" Harry is just stalling for time, hoping that Ron and Hermione will join him soon, or that he can keep the three Slytherins in front of him distracted while he slowly starts moving towards the tiara.

Crabbe answers Harry's question while Draco remains quiet. He is boasting about how they are so important to Voldemort that he's trusted them to do his bidding within the walls of the castle. Harry can't help but interpret Draco's silence as a way of distancing himself from Voldemort and the Death Eaters, no longer as proud of being on the dark side as he once had been.

When Crabbe tries to use the Cruciatus curse on Harry, Draco shouts at him to STOP. He claims they can't kill Harry because "the Dark Lord" needs him alive, but Harry can't help but agree with Crabbe's objections about how that doesn't mean they can't hurt him at all. It warms his heart that Draco still seems to care.

Then Hermione joins the commotion by attempting to Stun Crabbe - failing only because Draco manages to pull him out of the way. Harry directs another Stunning Spell at Crabbe, furious that he had actually shot the Killing Curse towards Hermione. When Crabbe successfully avoids Harry's spell, Draco's wand is knocked out of his hand by Crabbe and at this point both Crabbe and Goyle are pointing theirs at Harry.

"Don't kill him! DON'T KILL HIM!" Draco yells at the pair, which causes them both to hesitate for just a second. Harry uses that second to disarm Goyle, while Hermione and Ron attempt to attack Crabbe and Draco respectively.

A battle ensues: with Draco hiding due to him being unable to fight back wandless and Hermione finally hitting Goyle with a Stunning Spell taking him out of the equation for now. Harry is refocusing on the very reason they are even in here to begin with: the diadem. He starts to tell Hermione to look for it while he tries to help Ron with duelling Crabbe, but is interrupted before he's finished the sentence.

Ron and Crabbe are running towards them, away from a roaring fire which seems to have appeared out of nowhere. It quickly becomes apparent, though, that it's Crabbe who's caused the flames to erupt from his wand - evidently without thinking about how it might affect himself and his friends as well. He seems to have no control over the fire, and Harry's attempt to extinguish it with Augamenti seems pathetic. The only thing they can do is run, so they do. The fire keeps spreading; chasing Harry, Ron and Hermione through the maze of junk. Harry had seen Draco grab the Stunned Goyle before joining their sprint away from the fire, but now he's nowhere to be seen. The three must've been separated from Harry and the others somewhere along the way.  
Now there is nothing to see but fire. The flames are circling them, coming closer. Harry can't believe his luck when he spots a couple of old broomsticks. He seizes them quickly and throws one of them to Ron while he climbs onto the other himself.

Once up in the air Harry starts scanning the room from above, frantically trying to see where the diadem went in all the turmoil caused by the fire. Knowing his priority must be to defeat Voldemort, even though his eyes are desperately trying to find not only the diadem but also a certain blond boy lost among the flames, the thick smoke and the enormous piles of furniture and discarded things.

Harry is thankful for his glasses shielding his eyes from some of the smoke, but they don't help much. It's still stinging his eyes and making its way down his throat into his lungs, making it hard to breathe, to focus and to see anything further away than the end of his broomstick. It's all heat, stuffy air and blurry dark shapes against the bright orange flames. He forces himself to ignore it, taking his broom down and flying as low as he dares. Then he hears something - a voice, Draco's voice.  _Thank_ _Merlin_ , Harry thinks as he steers his broom towards the sound. Relief fills his heart when he spots Draco on top of an unsteady tower of desks. He's still holding the unconscious Goyle, but Crabbe is nowhere to be seen.  
Having completely abandoned the task of getting the diadem, Harry swoops down low towards the two Slytherins. Draco sees him coming and raises his one free arm towards Harry. Harry attempts to help them up onto his broom, but it's too hard with Goyle being stunned. Thankfully Ron and Hermione are coming to help, and together they drag Goyle onto their broom while Draco climbs up behind Harry. Harry's mind blanks for a split second as Draco's arms wrap around his waist and their bodies are suddenly pressed together.

Then Draco shouts in his ear: "The door, get to the door, the door!" And Harry snaps out of it, steering the broom towards the exit. He makes a quick detour when he spots the diadem (which has Draco screaming and holding on to Harry so tightly it hurts), but then they're finally out of the room crashing into the wall outside and rolling onto the floor.

Harry sits up and looks over at Draco who is lying face down, gasping, coughing, and retching.

"C-Crabbe...Crabbe," he stutters in between coughs.

"He's dead," Ron says harshly.

Harry wishes he could rest. That he could grab Draco's hand and lay down somewhere soft and clean. To cool off from the burning hot fire and suffocating smoke, to heal and rest and recharge. He wants to tell Draco it's going to be okay, and he wants to mean it. Wants to be able to mean it... But there is no point in wishing for things like that. Because the battle isn't over yet. Voldemort is still alive, Nagini is still alive, and the Death Eaters seem to have entered the castle.


	9. The Battle of Hogwarts is a lot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically the battle of hogwarts only shortened and mainly focusing on the little bits where harry sees or thinks about draco (bc this is a drarry fic in case you haven't noticed yet) (yes, sarcasm) and also it's really short. whatta nice summary i really should be a published author huh? enjoy

Harry doesn't see much of Draco after that. At one point while making his way through the castle under the Invisibility Cloak along with Ron and Hermione, they pass him. He is battling another Death Eater, desperately trying to convince them that the two are on the same side, and Harry quietly Stuns the masked person - once again saving Draco. He can't help himself, apparently.

 

The rest of the battle is too much of a blur to really comprehend anything that's going on. Harry has to stay focused on his own mission and not the many people around him - familiar faces or not. For all he knows Draco could be dead already. So could Ginny, Neville, Luna, Hagrid... 

But when he passes the Great Hall after gathering Snape’s tears and after Voldemort has commanded his Death Eaters to retreat, he sees none of the previously mentioned amongst the dead bodies laid out on the floor. Ginny is there, standing with her family, crying and looking as exhausted as ever but  _ alive,  _ thank Merlin, and Draco is nowhere to be seen. That doesn’t mean he isn’t dead, but it’s something.. 

Still he does recognise a few of the dead, and that shakes him more than enough - Fred, Remus, Tonks… Harry feels hot tears burning in his eyes but he refuses to let them fall.  _ Not yet.  _

Harry tries his best not to think about this - about all of the others he can’t spot in the crowd who could be injured or dying somewhere else in the castle, or about those whose lives are gone already. He blinks hard, angrily, trying to rid his eyes from the bloody stubborn tears. He can’t break down now. He knows what he must do to save them all.

 

***

 

Later, in the chaos following Harry’s “death”, he realises maybe he didn’t need to worry so much. Hidden under his Cloak he sees Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy running around the castle together - not fighting, but looking for their son. He has to trust they will get him out of here safely. And Ginny also has her mother protecting her, Molly is going off on Bellatrix like a madwoman after she’d tried to hit Ginny with the Killing Curse. Harry sighs and continues towards Voldemort. He doesn’t need to protect everyone. He just needs to end this.

 

***


	10. Rest in peace Astoria Greengrass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They attend Astoria's funeral and there is a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long ass wait! (and for this short chapter...)   
> I'm working and studying and battling depression still so it's been kind of hard to find the time to write. I have also recently moved so that's taken up some time as well. Hope you like the new chapter, feel free to give me feedback even if it's negative!!

“Dad!” Harry is pulled from his thoughts as his youngest son comes running back to him right before the train is supposed to leave. “Dad, I need you to take me to Scorpius’ mum’s funeral. I don’t know when it is, I’ll send an owl, but I need you to know that I’m going and I don’t care how much you hate the Malfoys because Scorpius is my friend and he needs me to be there.” The words are falling out of Albus’ mouth in one, rushed sentence, and by the end of it he’s out of breath.

Harry blinks at him. “Astoria passed?” No wonder Draco had seemed a little off at work.

“Yeah,” Albus’ tone softens, and he sighs a little. “I just found out.”

“Well,” Harry says, “Of course I’ll take you, Al. Now go before you miss the train!”

Suddenly Albus is rushed again, “Yeah, thanks” he replies while turning around and running back towards the train.

“I love you!” Harry calls after him and as a reply he gets a wave over the shoulder. 

***

 

Harry hasn’t talked to Draco since the Battle. Well, he hasn’t talked to him, for real. He’s run into him, of course, at the Platform 9 ¾ and at work, but they haven’t exchanged anything more than distanced polite phrases.

This morning had been no different, he’d nodded a polite hello at Draco as Scorpius and Albus greeted each other. This is the boys’ third year, and they’re already the best of friends. Harry smiles a bit at the thought - thinking back to his own time at Hogwarts and how him, Ron and Hermione had become really close even just during their first year. 

Now Harry wonders if he should say something to Draco, about Astoria. He doesn’t know what he would say exactly, or even how to approach Draco to begin with, or how to avoid making it awkward and weird. He ends up not mentioning it, silently hoping that Draco is okay.

***

The day of Astoria’s funeral Harry feels nervous, but he doesn’t know why. He and Albus are both dressed in their new, black dress robes for the occasion - Albus and Scorpius had been permitted to leave Hogwarts over the weekend to attend.

Harry doesn’t know if it’s going to be a big ceremony. Maybe this funeral is just meant for close family, maybe Harry isn’t supposed to be there at all. He hardly knows anything about Astoria aside from her name and the fact that she was married to Draco. 

As far as funerals go, Harry’s been to plenty. After the war there had been many casualties, and he had been determined to attend each one. Some - most - of them had just been a memorial service without the burial, since there was no body to bury. And every single one had been equally painful, whether Harry had known the person now dead or not, because they all took him back. Back to the war, back to losing everyone he did know and love, back...

***

“It was a beautiful ceremony.” Harry speaks with a low voice as he approaches Draco from behind. Harry had been watching him the entire time, and Draco hadn’t cried. He’d held his son and whispered a goodbye to Astoria’s casket, but he hadn’t shed a single tear as far as Harry had seen. After the ceremony Harry followed him into a small back room and now, as he turns around at the sound of Harry’s voice, his eyes are red and his cheeks are wet with tears. Instinctively Harry takes the two steps he needs to be able to wrap his arms around the other man, and hugs him tightly as Draco helplessly sobs into Harry’s shoulder. 

Soon Draco calms himself, frees himself from Harry’s grip, wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Then he clears his throat and mumbles out a small “I’m sorry.”

Harry shakes his head and grabs Draco’s hands in his own. “Don’t.” He hesitates, “Look. I know I might not be the one you would want to talk to about all this, but I am here if you need me. Okay?”

Draco looks up for a second, meeting Harry’s eyes quickly before looking down at their feet again.

“Thanks,” he says, still speaking so quietly, as if he doesn’t even want Harry to hear him. 

“Come.” Harry tightens his grip on Draco’s left hand and guides him over to a small wooden bench placed along the wall. They sit down in silence and Harry wonders if he should say anything else or if he should leave it up to Draco. Before he can make a decision Draco speaks up.

“I don’t know what to do,” he says, his voice barely more than a whisper. Harry squeezes his hand and waits for him to keep going. 

Draco clears his throat again and continues with a somewhat steady voice. “I don’t know what to say to Scorpius. I don’t know how to raise him alone. I don’t know how to be his dad and his mum. I don’t-” his voice falters mid-sentence and he stays quiet, seemingly fighting back more tears.

“It’s not fair,” he says eventually. “It’s just not fair. She was so good, so kind, and she knew… She knew me and she didn’t care, she loved me anyway, and she shouldn’t have- She shouldn’t have died, she didn’t deserve that. It should have been me, it should have been me in there instead, that’s what would have made sense, and Scorp would have his mum, and Tori could’ve found herself a real husband, a better husband, someone worth her time and her love, I- I can’t,” he stops talking abruptly once again but this time he can’t stop the tears from falling. “I can’t do this without her.” He chokes out the last words in between sobs, breaking Harry’s heart.

“You’ll be fine”, he says in a low voice, trying his best to sound calm and comforting despite knowing that his words can’t possibly make anything better for Draco right now. “You’re not alone.”

Draco scoffs. “Well it sure feels like it.”

Harry rubs his eyes tiredly underneath his glasses and lets out a small sigh. “Look. I’m exhausted right now, but let’s take tomorrow off from work and we’ll go have coffee - I know a place where we won’t be bothered. Then we can talk. How’s that?”

“You’re gonna take me to a muggle café aren’t you?” Draco sighs, but there is a glint in his eyes.

Harry laughs and shakes his head, and even Draco is smiling a little. They sit in silence for a bit longer, looking at each other and smiling, both trying to come up with something new to say.

“So I heard Al wanted to stay with you guys tonight, is that okay?”

Draco nods. “Yeah, Scorp already talked to me about it - I’m just glad he’s not alone.” He shrugs a bit and looks down, a hint of sadness creeping back over his face.

“Well I guess I can trust you to Floo them back to Hogwarts safely tomorrow morning?” Harry jokes, wanting to keep the mood light.

“I think I will manage.” Draco smirks before adding: “That is, of course, unless Albus has inherited your inability to speak clearly. But that is something you can’t blame me for!”

“I never should have told you that story,” Harry tries to give Draco an angry look, and hits him playfully on the arm before bursting out in laughter. Draco joins him, and Harry is thinking that it was a long time since it had been this easy between them, if ever. Draco even looks happy, relaxed, less reserved than usual. Maybe they could become friends again. Maybe. 

They both calm down eventually and Harry speaks up, “I’ll pick you up tomorrow then, around noon?”

“Because that’s when you wake up?” Draco teases.

“Because that will give you enough time to disguise your fangs and devil’s horns,” Harry bites back.

“Fair enough. Noon’s good,” he smiles.

“Idiot.” Harry rolls his eyes at him, but smiles back before he stands up, stretching his arms.

“Jerk.” Draco follows. “Let’s go find the boys.”

***


End file.
